03 Led My new year’s resolution
Yes. I told you that the next post –this one- will be about the “Spanish Evening”. Well, as you can see, it is not.
So, yes. The year has changed. Hot news. Nobody have noticed that. Or maybe there is someone with a huge hangover still.
The tendencie right now is to make a list called, in the average case “New Year Eve’s Resolutions”. Maybe yours is called “What the hell are you doing with your life?” or “I don’t give a f**k about this c**p” -in wich case I guess you didn’t make any list-.
Anyway, to make or to think about resolutions it means that you have to look back to the past twelve months. And that’s hard. And wonderful. And horrible. And if you are lucky, wonderful again.
So I did it. I have to say I’ve been brave only by doing it.
I loss people. And that teachs you something always. But at the end, almost in every case and even at the worst one may you bring goodness with it.
I loss self-confidence. And that’s good when you recover it, because it makes you stronger.
I loss rutines. And that’s great. Because it forces you to get out of your comfort zone.
I gained friends. And even if they are not forever, for a certaing time they made you happy. And that isn’t a simple thing to achieve, I have to say.
I gained so amazing and undescribable expriences. And believe me, the fact somebody –something- leaves you speechless –and of course if you are as talkative as I am-, that’s a real gold prize. Unbelievable, I mean.
I gained weight. Yes. Really. Czech cousine is really good.
And after such a hard exercise, my brain collapsed. Also my heart.
Because I am happy. And that makes me feel insecure. And worried and afraid –well, maybe I am crazy, but we can discuss it later-.
It is a good thing, anyway. But I am such aware of all my fears and my weaknesses, of my fragile hopes and all this motivation I have and I don’t want to never ends. I realized that I desire to be more, and to be less. To make more, and to do less. To say more, with less.
I would like you to imagine, for a little lapse of time about these tiny moments: When you wake up –even with the alarm, even if it is so, so –I mean, SO- early- and you don’t feel restless neither sleepy. Or when you are so busy and tired that the only thing you do when you arrive home is going to bed, barely finding time even to connect to facebook to keep in tocuh with your friends… and even though that makes you really happy. Those times when people say that your hair is amazing or your laugh make them laugh at a time –even if you think secretly about their good or bad criteria-. That instant when you see a purple, pink and orange sky during sunset in Brno and even the best camera ever couldn’t capture that beauty itself. The private jokes with your “old people”… and the ones you build with “the new people”. The unexpected generosity. The best Christmas time since so may years ago. When a friend feels your frozen hands and rubs them making them warm again. The concert of a group you were waiting for two years. To draw a smile in a cold glass. A deep conversation. Another one. And another one…
And now you can stop imagine. Because I hope it will be real for you, as it has been for me. Because even though, you will be lost, and afraid. And happy and full of joy. You will think that you finally have found your home. Yes, home is where your heart is, but now is so divided, and however, your heart has its own ways and rules. You’ll be frustrated. You’ll hate yourself sometimes. And also you will feel really alone. That you are not stable enough.
But it doesn’t matter. I wish you all those little moments for you next year. 2014 year. It will be a great one. It was for me. But, above all, I whish you the best gift ever: people. They will be the responsible of all –or almost- those moments, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Even the bad times will bring with themselves great ones. And people will be the cause of that –and you, of course-. So I wish you the best year ever. With the best moments ever. With the best people.
My New Year Eve’s resolution?
To be someone’s gift like so many people were for me last year. I want to be a great one 🙂